Ohhhhh shiny!!!

So this weekend we were good little consumers and went and purchased a new stove and hood. I am in love! It is so pretty that it almost makes me forget about the horrid wallpaper. The horrid wallpaper that is still there TWO YEARS after we moved in!

Now I have light, inside and above.... I can steamclean™! It has convection, which I almost downgraded to a model without, but now that I have it I don't know what I did without it! It is even worth getting nearly electrocuted, and the fight that ensued afterward about not laughing at your out-cold wife BEFORE checking to see if she is alive first!

We got a really great deal on it, which of course made me have bad Ebay mojo. I lost out on a coffee table that I lusted for. The coffee table. If you know nothing of our coffee table fiasco, never ask. At least not when more than 1 family member is in the room. The coffee table search will have to go on, but at least I can eat super awesome homemade soft pretzels to numb the pain!

P.S. I edited the super klassy Hello Kitty coffee pot out of this picture. You're welcome honey, its just further proof that -I- am concerned for -your- well being.

Denzel Q. Crocker.

Poor Heinz, all he can do is watch everyone else have fun outside. He will stare out this window for the longest time. Please notice the bushes, they are all along the front windows. He can't really see anything, but he still stares. The other day the neighbors yip-yip got loose and was peeing on these bushes. Poor Heinz finally got some action that he could see, so he barked once. This sent the yip-yip scurrying away, and left him all alone again. When the weather improves and all the kids come out to play; I'm hoping Boy Child doesn't take to the same tactic. I don't want to have to wash his drool off the windows too!

Is there a doctor in the house?

I'm beginning to think we might need a doctor to just go on ahead and move in with us. Especially if he can treat dogs too. Did you know that everyone has a growth plate in their heel that develops until you are around 14? Did you know that you can shatter it? Did you know that a Boy Child can walk around on it like that for MONTHS, all the while saying things like "I'm not limping!" "It doesn't hurt!"? He will have to be in the cast for at least 3 weeks, but more likely like 2 months. I guess this all happened at a good time, because it will not interfere with the all important FootBall Season. Interrupting FootBall Season might cause the sun to stop rising, or the birds to stop singing.

Lets just pretend you have shattered the growth plate in your heel and your parents told you that you did not have to attend the last day of school, would you do a lopsided Snoopy Dance, or would you send your mother on multiple town voyage (in a storm!) to find the only correct size of crutches left on the face of the earth so that your friends can sign your cast?

Also, something about this has triggered Pops to realize that we no longer have babies, a fact that I have been lamenting for at least 7 years.

Hold the phone!

I hate the phone. I think I always have, but my ire is getting progressively worse. It is the phone's fault that I am awake at 1 a.m. with nothing to do or watch. 90% of our phone calls are either because of a "problem", not for us at all, or from people we don't care to talk to. Here are some examples of calls from the last week.

• Them: "I don't need any of your fancy talk, I just need my car fixed!" This was in response to me telling the caller that they had reached a residence.
• Me: "It doesn't matter how many times you call, you will still not get more information about the bankruptcy at this number."
• Them, in the most condesending tone you can imagine: "Ma'am, incomplete means something is missing; like a piece of the jigsaw puzzle isn't there..."
• Me: "We have had this phone number for over 2 years. I really could not tell you why Clarissa keeps using it to apply for things she is not going to pay for."
• Them: "Well do you know the number to the dealership?" The sad part about this one is that I actually DO know the number to the dealership. I have decided to memorize it, hopefully that will stop them from calling the same number over and over trying to get the response they want. Considering I am dealing with people who don't understand the difference between the white pages and the yellow ones; I am not hopeful.

I wish I could fall back asleep, maybe I could dream of that elusive paradise with no phone lines or cell reception. I bet they also have pomegranates year round, an endless supply of that mascara I loved from Middle School, and Arrested Development is still in production there!

The man I married.... before I married him.

Who would have believed then that we would have made it to 14 years without killing each other first? I love waking up each morning and seeing almost the exact same thing. Although now the dog is real, there is less hair, and I'm pretty sure I love him even more than I did then. He is what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead. P.S. I had awesome bed linens in High School! Also, I'm so glad my parents let me paint my room black.