Football 2 ways.

So the most exciting time of the year has begun! The extra special months of having 3 kids in 2 different sports. The girls are in soccer (and on the same team!); so that makes it fairly simple. The Boy Child plays football this season, and to make it REALLY interesting for me his team is traveling to all corners of Georgia this year. This traveling nonsense was not mentioned during sign-ups. You can imagine how thrilled I was when I found out. I'm still not sure how it is all going to work out but we survived the first major weekend a week ago.


(for the record I had NOTHING to do with the unlucky #13 jersey.... no really I didn't)

After cleat drama, uniform pickups and only a few practices; it was game(s) on! They call this weekend Jamboree. I could not tell you why. It is all day scrimmages.... ALL day. This took place about 1 1/2 away from the house. All in all I suppose it wasn't that bad, I can say that now because it is over and no one got hurt. We ended up playing really well (3/0/1), even though the other teams are allowed a lot more practices. It is going to be an interesting season.


The "men" in the house loved it of course. They felt so terrible this weekend when they had to return to just WATCHING football all day. Even -I- was impressed with class of the fans/players today. John Glenn dotting the "i" was an especially awesome choice! I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that someone thought the fans had to be REMINDED to behave. What exactly were they expecting from the best fans in the land? With that being said.... We don't give a damn for the whole state of michigan.... the whole state of michigan.

Beam Me Up!

So the Boy Child is running for class president. I don't think you can imagine how involved this is. He has a campaign manager.... no really. We've made signs and pencil toppers, today he is handing out candy. He also has to write and give a speech. I tried VERY hard to get him to plagiarize this. He wouldn't have any of it. This is very serious business to him.

I grew up obsessed with genius-madman Jim Traficant. THE voice, face, and hair of politics where I hail from. If you know nothing about the man, I beg you to search out more. If nothing else you will be entertained. So what if he was convicted of racketeering, part of one of the most corrupt and dangerous precincts of the time, or a terrible judge of fashion? The things he talked about way back when are freakishly relevant now, even though he was considered a side-show act then.

I will never forget the first time teen-aged Pops walked into the room and realized I was glued to C-SPAN. The look of horror and confusion on his face was priceless. I told him to shut up and just watch Jimbo. He was mesmerized! Politicians just did not behave that way where he was from. Honestly I didn't even realize Traficant did not represent "normal" politics until that moment. Pops became a fan right then and there, and has even gone so far as to try to win some prison painted artwork. (Yes, our newscasters DO have names like Stan Boney.)

What does any of this have to do with a 5th grade class election? Nothing, really. Except there have been accusations of racketeering & strong-arming votes. The real importance of this election to me is that the Boy who we thought would never speak; the one that was in speech therapy for so many years; the child that I was sure I would have to go along with to college to interpret for is not nervous to give a speech in front of his entire class! Talk about progress.


The strangest part of this whole thing is that The Boy Child loves me so much that he really thought my homemade health-food muffins would win him votes. The very same muffins that contain not only graham flour, but also copious amounts of fiber and wheat germ. It is so funny to me what can become your "normal" just because it is from home. I guess just like Old Jim's toupee!

Our anticipation waiting to see what happens on Sept. 2nd. is almost as high as waiting to see what happens in the election today!

Won't you believe it? Its just my luck.

So last week was back to school "daze". Don't they look so pumped? Bershon through-and-through. Its o.k., they come by it honestly. (can we have a moment of silence for the waist that was in that last one?.... amen.) Somehow I ended up behind the eight ball with the shopping and planning. I wanted to post a picture of the HUGE pile of loot that it takes to get 3 kids ready to return to school, but it turns out one can't hold a camera steady one-handed because they had to hack off the other one and give it to Dickies as payment. FirstBorn still ended up in ISS her first day of High School for being out of uniform. (that is not THE belt)



MiddleChild missed her first day because of back-to-back (to back) doctors appointments. As has been the norm, these doctors appointments have found additional problems that don't answer any of the original questions. When she did attend school on Day 2, she went with stitches in her arm. I would have liked to keep her home because of them, but since she will be missing so many other days I had no choice. She was only bumped in the arm a "zillion" times, but claims it only hurt a little bit. Which means it didn't hurt at all or there would have been a teary phone call home for me to come and get her.

Friday was my first child-less day in months. It should have been a delicious day spent doing whatever I chose... and lets face it, that means BoomHeadshot. Instead it was a day spent in bed tired as all get out; but unable to sleep. Why couldn't a person who was beyond tired sleep? Since it is back to school time, I will leave the class with this equation Stress + multiple doctors/hospital visits -healthful food = ???. Gotcha! The real question is how many people understood the title in relation to this post without googling? It is what ran through my head when walking up to Open House at the High School. High School!

Get the camera!!

Anyone who knows me knows that my life can be a little crazy. It IS how I like it though. There have been several "quick, grab the camera" moments around here recently.



This one is from today. It turns out that the boy sat down on this crate thinking it was upside down. Is it wrong that I maybe ignored his cries for "help" and he had to scoot-crawl out to me? (Listen, for the past 2 months I have been with these kids 24/7. If you are yelling for me at this point someone had better be bleeding or something on fire.) Then, when I realized that there was an issue instead of helping him we all went diving for cameras? In case anyone is keeping score, you can see that clearly the dog was concerned for his well-being. I hope he mentions that to his future therapist.



I think it is best that I don't know what is happening in this picture. I really hope he never mentions THIS to his future therapist! This is what happens when you have older sisters. Yelling HELP! wouldn't have saved him in this situation either!



This is the only known picture of ShedKitty. Every summer we end up with kittens under our shed. Feral kittens and a pissed off mama. Why our shed? Why are they so mean to us when we are only trying to prevent cat-hating dogs from gobbling them up? How do they defy gravity like that when they come flying at your face? How can such a tiny kitten be so evil? It would seem that someone in this house doesn't believe ShedKitty exists. Said person was not here the last time this family lived in fear of the ShedKitties. When the family has a song created in memory of ShedKitties of the past; you had better believe ShedKitties are real, and real scary.



This was taken as photographic proof of what a feeding frenzy looks like in this house. I have on more than one occasion passed up seconds out of fear of losing a limb in the madness. It also needed to be taken to be used to torture Pops. I could hear him yelling to put all the trash back into the bags... RIGHT NOW!(even though he wasn't here.... the Pops of Christmas pasts if you will) For those of you who have no idea what those are, they are MREs. We indulge the children with them about once a year, even though they will beg for them anytime they see them. Hopefully this will not convince them that doing something like this is acceptable!

Isn't my life exciting? Wouldn't you just love to live in this crazy house? What am I going to do when they return to school and I am all alone? Who will do crazy things that need to be photographed in a hurry? Will I be able to find the camera straight -away then?

Ye Olde Timey Handlebar Moustache.

Being an "almost" 14 year old girl is a very hard thing... apparently. You have to deal with extremely strange looks when you ask the DQ if they can draw an olde timey moustache on your cake. Then, you have to settle for your mother doing it instead. Sometimes you have to suffer opening your presents early because your father is not going to be in town on your actual birthday.


You also have to pose for pictures with said cake and presents. The torture! As if these trials weren't enough, you also have to have your picture taken at your birthday dinner. But, on this magical day (and this day only), your mother will not threaten to burn all your clothes because you wore THREE different outfits in one day!!!


Happy Almost Birfday FirstBorn! I'm sorry you have it so rough!

Gardening in Georgia

Gardening here can be a daunting task. The soil is mostly sand and clay; there are often periods of drought. An ideal plan would be to plant in containers with large reservoirs for water storage. But what do you do if all the store bought planters are just not "edgy" or unique enough for you?



That's right folks, you do like the gentleman (?) up the road from me does. One has to admit that there is plenty of water storage! This judge personally deducts points for your average big-box dog warning sign though. I want to see something that strikes fear in a would-be yard enterer. Maybe something with a foamy mouth and sharp teeth showing.... oh, and the cartoon lines that give the impression of really loud barking!

Whats that? The issue at hand is a leg humping dog? OHHHH!?!?! The judge gives the full 10 point allotment then. Bravo fine sir, bravo!

Play it again Sam!

Happy 4th everyone! Although, if Sam really is trying to keep everyone safe from weirdos my family is toast.