Patience is not my style.

Too Marvelous for Words

So we were tourists in Savannah today. We went to City Market on a Sunday. At least there was no human feces in the stairwells this time! ("Mom how do you KNOW it was people poop?" "Animals don't wipe baby.") We controlled ourselves enough to not strangle the "real" tourists that stopped and parked on the left-hand side of the squares to take pictures of the parks!!!! Or the ones that stood in the middle of the roads to frame their shots better. Or the ones that don't understand the concept of one-way streets. (my husband understands them, he just doesn't think they apply to him personally) I love Savannah, I really do.

We ate pizza at a place that always gets recommended in tour guides. It was edible, but not even close to what we would consider good; not even for Georgia! Because it was under 70 degrees today, everyone except us was bundled up in their winter best. Every store also had their heat on full blast. We got looked at like we had 3 heads when we asked the already hot pizza place to turn their overhead heaters off for us. Also, birds...under my chair IN the enclosure! I really had to hold it together for that whole experience.


The second best part of our trip was seeing the new Johnny Mercer statue. If you've never been to Savannah, you're racking your brain right now trying to think of who he is. You know him, you really do. He is one of the most prolific lyricists in the world. If you don't know one of his songs you've heard your parents sing one. He is Savannah's son. For what would have been his 100th birthday last month they unveiled his statue made from this picture. It is perfect, right down to the honeycomb sidewalk. Two out of three kids instantly did the "Johnny lean", The Oldest apparently thinks he was reading something shocking.




The best part of our trip was not even a trip to the Candy Kitchen. It was watching a busker play the Rocky theme while a drunk guy re-enacted the training scene. On like 4 stairs...in slow motion. When he got to the top he did the arm pumps and some push-ups. Seriously classic entertainment, and the real reason why we love Savannah. It really is too marvelous for words here.

Hey, ho, way to go Ohio!

So recently we all made the trek to Ohio. Well all of us but Heinz.


There was a TON of food, liters of RedPop, and proper candies.
There were also more cousins than you could shake a stick at:


But no muskrats.

Popo that confused us with homeless vagrants:

Hotels with views like this:

Take that Nikella! ;)
There was some tandem bike riding,


and catching up with friends.



But after some of this:



There was a lot of this:



That's right, Pops sweet-talked us into The House That Harley Built on a day it was closed to the public. It almost makes 14 hours in the car worth it. ALMOST.

Thanks to everyone who put up with our invasion! We had a really great time.... even though I am still relegated to the "kids" room at Aunt M's.

So far behind...

So I'm way behind on posting. Go figure. Here are some pictures from Halloween.

The oldest decided she wasn't Trick-or-Treating this year. I guess I was o.k. with that. Over the years I've gotten fed up with people assuming she was 20 and pretending to be a kid for free candy. She still dressed up and passed out treats at our house.

The Boy Child was a sniper. We borrowed a Ghilley suit from a real sniper. A real sniper that has sniping awards and such. Very impressive to the 10-year old set. I'm pretty sure "normal" kids don't have access to the same things we do. Contray to popular belief I did not sit at home playing Battlefield in this get-up. The thought crossed my mind, but I didn't actually do it.

Middle Child was a charm school witch. She had worn this costume before, and I still don't completely understand it. I'm also pretty sure it wasn't intended to be worn with hot pink sneakers.

Hardly anyone in our neighborhood handed out candy, but they made up for it in volume. The kids bags were beyond filled in the short amount of time we walked around. I'm not sure what is up with the death of Halloween. Every year the selection of costumes and decorations seems to get smaller and smaller. Depressing. Where is the Fall spirit? I'm pretty sure a lot of it is clearing out spaces for more Christmas crap.... and we all know how I feel about Christmas.

Below are other random Halloween pictures. Please note me staring blankly at my phone in one of them. I'm trying to get the camera to work. Why I don't just hand all technology to the nearest teenager and grunt what I'd like it to do is beyond me. Certainly that is much easier than reading instruction manuals.

What are you feeding that kid?

I was seriously asked this after they saw TheBoy's new x-rays today. Its healing so well they've knocked 2 weeks of his cast time! When they asked me that I just laughed (I'm quite used to getting asked that about FirstBorn). Turns out they were all waiting for a real answer. TheBoy had asked me while we were waiting for the x-rays "what if its just healed, like it just fixed itself right up?" I told him that he wasn't Spiderman (Spiderman isn't known for fast healing...ooops) or David Dunn (he had no idea who this was... I hate it when people don't understand my bizarre references!), he just said "we'll see". I'm pretty sure he might think he does have super powers now.



You can't see the bruising very well in these pictures, but its BAD. It is still pretty swollen too. The worst part of it was the smell though. It was really, really horrible. I mean stomach turning. He just kept cavalierly waving his hand around because it felt so good to be out of the cast. I was holding my breath the whole time mostly hoping he wouldn't re-injure it, but really because it stunk soooo bad!


Good news like this makes me feel a little less cursed. Although we did almost have the door of Pops truck ripped off by someone flying into the parking space next to us today. TheBoy said "what are we? some kind of target?" Its not you Bubba, the bad luck is all mine!

We like the cars, the cars that go BOOM!

It was me and the posse with Bunny D. We were crusin' in the Jags or the Lamborghinis...


No, no... in reality it was TheBoyChild and me, heading to his doctors appointment. Taking a road we take all the time, and smash! Some guy just pulled out right in front of us, not like he was racing to beat us or anything. It was like my car was invisible to him. I've been saying for awhile now that my car has a cloaking device. I've just never understood why no one could see me in my bright red ride!



I slammed on my breaks, the whole car locked up; but there was just no way we were going to stop in time. This is where things get foggy. I remember him spinning, I thought he was going to slam into a nearby pole, or that another car was going to hit him coming the other way. I felt like I needed to warn him? Apparently we were spinning while this was going on, I really don't remember that at all. The next thing I do remember is trying to get out of the car to get to The Boy who was in the back. My door wouldn't open, and I just kept trying... like "WTF, why won't my door open?".

Everyone was fine, my car not so much. The other car fared MUCH better, I don't understand how. TheBoy and I were quite literally shaken up. There were lots of questions, and I know I gave some really stupid answers. "Do you have any aliases?" Me: "Huh, I'm not in a drug cartel or something... I'm just a mom!".

I called a friend, but thought the call didn't go through.... it did. She got to hear what was going on, and when she called back I couldn't figure out how she sorta knew what was happening. I was literally looking around the scene for her. She asked me if I needed a Coke. Which triggered me to remember right after it happened I went back to the car (and tried to open my door again, duh!) to get a Coke. I forced The Boy to chug some. "The sugar will make us feel better!" I might have offered the other driver a drink out of the can too, and shared my theory with him. I'm a moron!

Word so far is that my car is totaled. This pisses me off like you can't believe. I love that car. That car was supposed to go to FirstBorn when she learned to drive. I own that damn car, mine all mine. I know that I should be grateful that all I have is some banged up knees and blister-type stuff on my fingers from my death-grip on the steering wheel; but I want my salsa red grocery getter back!

True Pain.

So The Boy had a game on Saturday. Of course we went. Do you really think a silly cast would get me off the hook for such things? Ha!

After some drama about what he should wear (I'm pretty sure Pops really thought he would try to sneak him into the game! Still not sure how they through they were going to pull that one off?), there was some of this:


Then some of this:


Then came the moment all fathers fear.


The thing is, if you gotta be the waterboy... you gotta hold that head up and hustle! I'm trying to pretend it is an important life-lesson. What everyone around me seems to think is that it is a future blackmailing opportunity.

It was heartbreaking to watch. The team got shut-out. Now, I'm not saying they lost because my kid wasn't playing....but MAYBE I implied it to cheer someone up.

That someone was Pops.

Soccer game, what soccer game?

Here are some clearer pictures from soccer. I did not take these, a 10 year old girl did. I don't know what that says about my photographic prowess; but it can't be good.



These poor boys trying to just eat their snacks are always teased by the younger team mates. "Youuuuu have a crushhhh on FirstBorn." "Youuuuu wanna get marrieddddd." Everyone seems to take it well except for Pops and me. Someone felt so left out by this that she loudly announced that SHE had a crush on one of them. My children are nothing if not smooth!



FirstBorn is always denying any of this nonsense. Here she is in action saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa... we just play soccer together! That is all, why does everyone keep saying that?"


When I was a wee lass my mother always told me "think college, not boys". I've tried out several versions of this out on my girls, and have gotten almost exactly the same response I can remember giving her. They know for sure they want to be "like a boss" though, here they are practicing:


I'm just glad there is no Deborah where Pops works, who knows what they would have done then!

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

So on the last play of practice yesterday BoyChild hurt his hand. He of course made no mention of this when it happened. He hustled right over and huddled up for the practice review. When he ran over to meet Pops he said "My hand kinda hurts?". So Pops looked at it and knew instantly something was wrong. He called me and told me that he was going to take the Boy to the E.R. and have it looked at. I scoffed at this, it was nearly 8p.m. and he had been at work since 4 a.m.


They returned around 10:30, with a note to make a follow up with orthopedics, some Vitamin M, and a crazy bandaged arm. Pops told me he broke his thumb above the knuckle, he most likely wouldn't get seen until next week, and the pain wasn't that bad. So with little fanfare I sent the boy to bed, because he had a BIG day at school in the morning!

The next morning I got up and started the phone shuffle. Turns out they need to see him NOW. Well I've already sent him to school because this wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but off to the hospital we go. We are taken right back. I think "Huh, this is weird usually we wait FOREVER!". So there are doctors huddled around someone's X-rays they are discussing surgery. I'm glad we don't have to go through that.... wait, what? That's MY kid you are talking about?

After more discussion they tell me that they could try to manipulate the joint/broken bits and then cast it instead. They left this decision up to me? I keep forgetting I attended medical school that one time. But it did sound better than surgery; well until I saw the huge needle and exactly how much numbing stuff they were shooting into him. It wasn't pretty, but apparently he is 10 now and not to be babied or comforted in any way (Pops came in right as this started). Also, never suggest to a boy that they can be the Water Boy for their team. This is highly insulting.

So 6 weeks of cast & 2 more of some kind of splint... unless he does something stupid to re-injure it, then surgery is the only option. Pops sees no reason he can't play in his game tomorrow. Pops might end up knocked out. The Boy is as thrilled about the whole thing as he looks below.

Bleacher Butt.

Over the weekend BoyChild had a football game. This time it was in a huge high school stadium, and were those boys ever impressed. The team they played was pretty good, and the game turned into a nail-biter. Boychild was really on his game and figured out the other team pretty quickly. In the picture below he read that play like a Captain Underpants book. I just love it when the boys catch onto the game and really start playing.

It turns out that I really love it when MY son scores. This picture was taken right before his first time scoring a touchdown EVER! Since he usually plays on the line he has never been concerned with scoring before, and we have never gotten to feel the rush of pride when your kid takes it over for 6. Which explains why there are no pictures of the actual event. Even his sisters were impressed.


See how none of the kids are paying attention in the last picture? That is because they are getting chewed out for winning? I have no idea, it was halftime and they were up in points. They had been playing better than they had ever played, and yet they were getting yelled at? It is no surprise that after this there was a severe decrease in their enthusiasm. It nearly cost them the game. The kid to the left of The Boy in this picture had one of those tackles where everyone in both sides of the stadium lets out a big grunt of pain. Pretty awesome though. Someone tackled my "baby" in such a weird painful looking way during this game that it made me hate football for a little while. Football is a rough sport yo! More on that later.

What about soccer? Well it turns out all our soccer pictures pretty much look like this:



I can't tell you why, other than our camera is possessed and just prefers football. I do have a clear picture of me developing bleacher butt. Bleacher butt is a painful condition caused by sitting through many hours of practices and games in the name of parental pride. It is also the only reason I can come up with for the look on my
face.


I also can't explain why all the pictures in this post are a jumbled mess. I don't have the time or patience to try and fix it right now though. I am going to have to scoot off here and leave for yet another doctors appointment. That is if I can ever get through to an actual person to make the appointment. This entire post was written while on hold. On hold even after I was given the super secret code to punch in to avoid a long wait time by the ER. It is going to be a great day, I can just tell!

Le matou revient le jour suivant.

So ShedKitty is either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid. This morning Heinz chased him up this tree. This has been one of many close calls for ShedKitty. I'm fairly certain that Heinz has gotten a hold of this particular cat's tail before. You would think it would learn. This is the same cat that likes to parade back and forth under the front window where Heinz watches the world. I can think of no reason to do this other than to torture the poor dog.


I also can not think of another single thing I can do to discourage these cats from our yard. I like cats, I really do. But I will feel absolutely no heartbreak for this particular cat when it finally gets its comeuppance.

We get by with a little help from.... strangers?

It is never a good sign when you show up to your first football game of the season and the team you are playing against has this many championship signs around the field. This is the only team that we knew would give us trouble after playing them in scrimmages. We tied them then. Yesterday we weren't so lucky. At least it wasn't a complete shut-out, which it could have easily been.

This should be a picture of BoyChild scoring for the first time this season. It didn't work out that way. He is #68 here, they had to change jerseys because the other team was also black and yellow. This caused MAJOR trouble for the coaches, because none of them bothered to make a list of the number switches and most of the boys had no idea what their "new" numbers were.

The other team was filled with really good sports. I was so glad when the other coach stepped in and helped our team. I'm sure our coaches weren't. There were so many little mistakes caused by them our team really didn't have a chance. Apparently no one on the coaching staff knows how to count (or to listen to the parents when they are ALL screaming things like "too many kids" "coach, we've got 13 out there!"). They also don't know what defer means, which is fine, but don't yell at the refs when it is your mistake.... especially when the refs tried to guide you into making the correct decision!

Now onto the BigMama part of the day. My dear husband found out that Savannah has a roller derby team, and since he always thought it was fake in the same way t.v. wrestling is fake, he HAD to check it out himself. Everyone should already guess that -I- loved it. BoyChild did not. He was completely disturbed that "they are all wearing THONGS!" I guess I should be glad my 10 year old doesn't really know what a thong is; but we tried to explain to him that some day he will enjoy skimpily dressed ladies. He flat out refuses to believe this.



The camera was dying so our pictures are terrible. That is a wing of a Jeerleader (heee) in one of them. You can see much better pictures here, including some of us watching. (page 2, pictures 4,7, and 20) There is a particularly tall player named Mt. KillaJamma... her number is 6'1 (stop laughing my friends will height-blessed kids, that is VERY tall here!). I told FirstBorn that it's a shame her derby name was already taken. She rolled her eyes, but was later overheard asking her father how old you had to be to join. Lord help us all, she would actually be very good at this.

As we were leaving we heard/saw some RC cars. It turns out it was some sort of big championships. I don't know, but what I did find out is that it is VERY serious business and people can be pretty hurt when hit in the head with a flying car. Also, people who are working at the event will very nicely tell you that you are standing in the exact spot where someone got head-slammed by a car the night before. Thanks crazy-fast little car people! BoyChild was much more impressed by this than the derby. Thank goodness they don't drive their RC cars in "thongs". In addition to really freaking out my son; I'm pretty sure some nasty wheel burn could happen!
Speaking of very nice people. On our way home I got a call on my cellphone, turns out some AWESOME roller derby fan had found Pop's phone when it dropped out of a huge hole in his pocket. We hadn't even noticed it was missing! Amazing day, made more amazing by strangers!

I just can't live without MY Weezer!

Today is MiddleChild's birthday! 13, I can hardly believe it. She has been super-psyched about today for awhile. So excited that she came tearing off the bus whooohoooing and running. I know this because her brother and I were waiting right inside to surprise her. We heard her running, then 2 wooohooo's, then we heard a big splat followed by the tires of her bus screeching. Luckily it was only because her wonderful bus driver saw her fall in the driveway and stopped to see if she was alright. She bit it really hard. So hard that her elbow is super gross, so gross that I'm going to share a picture with you. You're welcome!



(that's not the worst of it btw.)

The only cure for a road rash is apparently opening presents. Sometimes it is a perfectly good present, but it isn't THE ONE.




When you get to the one present that you have been DREAMING about.... well the only thing to do is jump up, make the international ka-ching sign/sound, and fan yourself with your itunes gift card. DUH, everyone knows that.





Then you MUST finally face your public and talk on the phone with your adoring fans for hours on end.... reliving every single second of your day. Including the fall, which you just mention as an aside. There is no reason to let half your elbow missing spoil an otherwise great day!



On the other hand, its been a rough day for Heinz. He clearly isn't used to all this excitement; he also doesn't approve of not being the center of attention at all times. Another thing he doesn't "get" is why he isn't allowed to fix MiddleChild's arm by licking the crap out of it. Poor dear.



The title to this was her answer when her father asked what music she wanted put onto her ipod. You see when she was about 5 her all time favorite song was Hash Pipe. Yes she sang it at school. Yes there was concern. Explaining what the song is really about is of no help in this situation... just FYI.